Demystic Blister’s 2009 Predictions

2 01 2009

Well, another year is officially upon us, and I’m already elbowing it in the rib cage, saying ” Get off me dummy. You stink like egg salad, and I’m trying to write here, for christ sake!” Not that 2009 is off to a particularly bad start, but after the shit 2008 pulled at the last minute, I don’t trust any year anymore. Ever. But, in an effort to hypothetically exert some imaginary control over a year that may or may not try to pull a fast one on me and my family at any given moment, I will very willingly trust my own psychic intuitive powers! I’ve assigned the zit in the middle of my forehead to the new role of all-seeing third eye, and I’ve dusted off my ol’ tarot cards to try and wring some answers out of the same smarmy universe that brought us Barf Fest 2008. I want to know in advance what this sneaky year has up its sleeve. So, ladies and gentlemen, according to my tarot cards, here’s what the future has in store for the Blister family.

Ahh, but before I begin, let me tell you that I’m using the lovely-but-kinda-sorta-creepy Revelations Tarot deck, and that I interpret reversals in all their bass ackwards glory. Which probably doesn’t mean anything to you unless you also dabble in using tarot cards to make yourself seem cooler than you actually are. I also know that one does not typically read cards for one’s self, but I have no choice. My friends will not let me read cards for them because I am frighteningly accurate and they are all in denial, so if I’m ever going to parlay this divination stuff into a secondary career, I need to practice on someone.  Prepare to be amazed by my predictions…

Question: What will 2009 bring for Neener at school?

Card: reversed 6 of wands

The Message: This card advises that you move cautiously. You may find yourself surrounded by enemies, and be forced to become more self-sufficient as a result. It may seem like your environment is working against you, and you will be frustrated by  the incompetence of others. This could breed resentment and paranoia.

My Interpretation: Yep, that sounds about right. Poor Neener and her fourth-grade reading level are stuck in a primary class where they’re still chanting “A is for apple! B is for ball!” And she has not exactly had an easy time making friends with her classmates, what with her angst-ridden outbursts, intense fear of being called a loser, and complete disinterest in acting like a normal dumb five-year-old. And, in the immortal words of Kurt Cobain,  just because you’re paranoid don’t mean they’re not after you…

Question: What will the 2009 school year bring for Roo?

Card: Three of swords

The Message: Emotions will overrun logical thought processes, mis-communication and misunderstandings will cause problems, and relationships will result in heartbreak.

My Interpretation: That’s life on the Autism Spectrum in a nutshell now isn’t it. Emotions running rampant over logic? Check. Mis-communication and misunderstanding? Check.  But, will this be the year that Roo’s heart is broken when Rachel finally says no to her frequently asked question, “Rachel, may I marry you?” Only time will tell. That’s what I get for teaching my kids that it is perfectly ok for girls to marry other girls.

Question: What should we watch for with Baby Squiggles in 2009?

Card: five of wands

The Message: Games and tasks will help you prepare for the future. New skills and activities will test you, and help you grow. This is a time of learning and growth.

My Interpretation: Well, duh.

Question: What is the outlook for my writing career in 2009?

Card: the moon

The Message: Heed your dreams and fantasies. Intuition and psychic ability must be explored. Someone working in the field of creative exploration will help you bring your dreams to life. you are in an extraordinary environment, where creative things such as plays and stories can be derived from fantasy and and dreams.

My Interpretation: Shoot for that moon, baby. Keep freaking yourself out with those tarot cards too. And get an agent.

Question: How will Mr. Blister fare as a househusband in 2009?

Card: reversed four of cups

The Message: This card reflects the spirit of finding one’s calling out of the darkness of complacency. A can-do attitude, eagerness, and tenacity will be rewarded. The emotional need to succeed will propel you forward. People are cheering you on in your endeavors.

My Interpretation: Yay! More dishes to wash! Go, Mr., go!

Question: What is the general Blister family barfie forecast for 2009?

Card: the emperor

The Message: This card symbolizes ambition, authority, leadership, power plays and dominance. Individuals (or gastrointestinal viruses) may seek control of situations, but you must not give that control. You must determine this person’s (or illness’s) place in your life and not succumb to its attitude of god-given rights and power.

My Interpretation: More time on the throne.

And there you have it.  Demystic Blister’s predictions for 2009. Neener will be frustrated by school. Roo will throw a few fits. Squiggles will graduate from bum scootching to some other weird form of locomotion. I will write. Mr. will wash dishes. And sooner or later, we’ll all get the barfies again. I’m not sure that I really needed tarot cards to tell me all that, but it was an amusing way to spend an afternoon. And my tarot cards are certainly more accurate than my Hannah Montana Magic Eight Ball.

Right, Hannah Montana Magic Eight Ball?

HMMEB: Sweet nibblets, No!

We’ll just see about that.




6 responses

2 01 2009

I think at this point I may actually let you read them if I was closer…or is that feeling because I am far enough away to not get called on it, hard to say!!

3 01 2009

Your may be all that and a bag of chips with a fancy tarot deck , but come talk to mamma when you can do it with a regular deck of 52. Abolutely loved this post. If it’s in the cat……!

3 01 2009

J – I’m looking at setting up a 900 number for phone readings…heeheehee. Don’t worry, I’ll get you the next time you’re home, or when I come visit in the spring.

And Nanny, I can do it with a regular deck. Hell, I could do readings with a stack of old birthday cards and a goldfish bowl!

3 01 2009

they’re props ,all props ! You either can or you can’t!

7 01 2009

Spooky. You need a wrap up at the end of the year, to see how the predictions work out. I”m betting you’re bang on. Since it’s all scientific and all.

Personally? I downloaded a free magic 8 ball app to my Iphone. I now use it when I have to make big decisions. I like to live dangerously.

7 01 2009

A magic 8 ball app for Iphone…cooooooool! I’d be all over that. If I had an Iphone.

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